WAPO’s idiot-savant Jennifer Rubin is licking her lips and rubbing her hands in glee at the thought of Trump’s concession speech. That any news organization would hire this woman or write her a paycheck is almost as incomprehensible as the possibility that the American people would elect Hillary to be president.
Still, it’s worth taking a look at what the first hundred days of a Hillary presidency would look like. With the help of Chief of Staff Huma Weiner and Secretary of State Sidney Blumenthal. We can count on George Stephanopoulos to do the first Oval Office interview.
Madam President?
Hey, Hillary! It’s me. George.
Well, aren’t you looking fine today, your highness.
I mean, at this point, what difference would it make? Jennifer.
Excuse me. Don’t see the Allard in front anywhere in this clip.
The funniest road test I ever read was in Automobile Quarterly. You could call it a balls to the wall conservative car publication. For example, they were the ones who revealed that a 427 Cobra could do zero to sixty in 3.9 seconds. (And so could a Pontiac Bonneville of the same year. Had one of those. Awesome.) Then they ran a road test of the J2 Cadillac Allard. Funniest piece of automotive writing in my recollection.
Guy takes delivery of his Cad-Allard. Takes it for a spin. Acceleration exactly as described. Then he tries to change direction for a corner. Meets instead every weed, bramble, mud hole, flotsam, jetsam, and other detritus encountered by a car that is totally incapable of changing direction at speed ever.
I give you both political parties. Hideously exotic and expensive, overpowered, impossible to control, and doomed to self destruction no matter how expensive the bodywork.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I give you the U.S. Congress, and the horse they rode in on.
As compared to Trump.
Something wrong with the lighter? Can get it fixed. For cheap.
So everybody thinks Trump’s Tweets are worse than Hillary’s crimes and treason. I have some ideas about this.
1. Get the fuck off Twitter.
2. Get the fuck off Twitter.
3. Get the fuck off Twitter.
Twitter is porn for the egotistical. It’s a surprise for the egotistical that Twitter is calling their souls in?
Have to admit something here. Don’t care what Trump says on Twitter. I don’t want him as a dinner guest. I want him as an antidote to Hillary. That’s it.
There’s a line. There’s always a line. Push it too close to people’s feet and they’ll cross it. As I just did.
Two things. Obama’s approval rating is over 50 percent. The worst president in the whole history of the republic and more than half of you approve of him. The only president who actively hates his country and never does his job without sneering at every worthwhile citizen from the 14th tee.
Thing two. Everyone knows the MSM is corrupt but they still buy the lies. Trump tells us we’re at war. Which we are. And you disapprove. You think he’s Hitler.
Fuck you.
I’m done.
From now on, I post only about pet peeves. Which happen to include 300 million of you. No political correctness. When they shut me down, as they will, be advised not to approach my bunker. You don’t want to meet the Naked Ape that is me. He’s your nightmare. Old, white, Celtic, accomplished, highly educated, full of wrath against all of you who are willing to see the greatest nation in the history of nations flushed away by your narcissistic tantrums and moral failures. You have no idea (no, you don’t) just how much disgust I feel for you. But I’m the,product of what you call white privilege. Which means…
Two pathetic wimp losers waiting for somebody to be the one to go off first. Ryan. Pataki. Oh. And Romney. Anybody have a Kleenex? I know I’m bored. How about you??
There are times when you need to take out two at a time. Trump did that during the debates. Did it again this morning when George Stephanopoulos tried to pin him to the wall about tax returns. Gun 1: None of your business what my tax rate is. I try to pay no taxes because the government wastes our money on nonsense. Gun 2: and why are you pretending to be an objective journalist when everyone in the whole country knows you’re a bought and paid for employee of Hillary Clinton.
Gotcha George? Gotcha twice.
And before you start making your Lone Ranger jokes, please remember there was an authentic two gun gunslinger named Wild Bill Hickock.
He died, yeah. Aces over eights. But remember he got shot in the back. NeverBill.
The Greatest Show on Earth will begin with Trump’s arrival in Cleveland, which used to be a city in northern Ohio. Before five decades of Democrat administrations reduced it to an antiquarian hulk and The Cuyahoga River caught fire and burned everything to a cinder.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VtW8RkI3-c4
Well, moving on…
Why the Convention was planned to be held in what remains of Cleveland’s Union Station. Cruz had a big evangelical religious speech planned. He chose poorly.
With no infrastructure left, it wasn’t feasible for Trump to arrive by train or camel. Instead, he arranged to come to town in a humble Lake Erie boat.
Not his real yacht, mind, just a sort of launch he keeps for side trips from his Niagara estate.
Meanwhile, the locals were practicing to give him a big welcome.
But you know how it goes. Big is bigger than cute. The locals are brushed aside by the new arrival in town. The Trump campaign has arranged for Buckye Stadium to be moved to Cleveland and prepared for the real greeting the Republican nominee deserves. So, from the port of Cleveland he helicopters into the new convention site just in time for an appropriate landing.
I just got yelled at in a comment thread by a guy who assured me Trump would lose disastrously to Hillary. I thought of this song, about the long long looooong line of people who have been predicting disaster for Trump since he declared his candidacy.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been part of this line.
I see you, Scott. There you are. In the corner. In the spotlight. Trying to keep up…
This is complicated. A guy I’ve dueled with here since the candidacy of Trump posted me into a spat he was having with some guy who took him down in the most obscene terms you could possibly imagine.
Whereupon I weighed in to let the guy know he’d offended a friend of mine and he should shut up. Then he called me a name and I threw down the gauntlet, promising he wouldn’t like what would happen next.
I warned the guy. He thought he could walk back into the saloon and survive unscathed. He made jokes about “hold the lettuce” and “hold the mayo.”
Before I could post this response, though, both he and the adversary I’d been drawn into the middle of were gone. Unfriended. Like a shot. What the hell. What part of “Hold!!!” do they not get?
So help me out here. I’m thinking I just got rid of two jerks in one throw, with barely a shot fired. Did I miss something?
Not a conservative. Doesn’t matter that he bankrolled Reagan in 1980.
A story of my morning. I had an errand to run in neighboring Delaware. Me going to Delaware in my gunmetal Jeep. Stopped listening to rock radio stations many years ago. Heard it all, you know. Chances of hearing something you actually like go down and down and down with the years. So I’m listening to this Philly Talk Radio Guy named Dom Giordano who thinks he is smart, and I’m usually content to count his malapropisms and overlook his metronome-like repetitiveness on his talking points. Usually.
I put up with it for three quarters of the trip. I commend myself for my patience. He was constant in his mischaracterization of Trump’s Israel policy. He kept repeating (and repeating and repeating) that Trump said he would be neutral in Israel Palestinian negotiations. He was jazzed up by the story that 40 rabbis were planning to walk out on Trump’s AIPAC speech. At no time did Giordano mention that Trump prefaced his comments about Israel and Palestinians with doubt that an agreement was even possible. A preface repeated several times because Trump also repeats and repeats. Then Giordano blew by a caller, a Jewish caller, who said everyone knows Trump is pro-Israel, what with his lifetime behavior with the Jewish community and his Jewish family members, and everyone knows that protests announced ahead of time are organized liberal political theatrics. So Giordano thanked him and went back to repeating that Trump declared himself neutral and that’s not the position of the United States.
At which point, alone in the Jeep, I said “F**k you, Dom,” and stabbed the radio’s FM button, which my wife had preset to a classic rock station.
Where the serendipity comes in. No sooner had I changed the station than I heard the beat that reawakens even an old cold heart like mine. AC/DC.
And while I was hammering the steering wheel in time to the song, I was also thinking this should be THE Trump campaign song. Dirt cheap? How about the most successful, most watched political ad of the campaign, posted on YouTube for zero advertising dollars.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QMZqS7q7voY
Dirty deeds? Everyone in Mediamerica accuses Trump without cease. Brooks doesn’t like the crease in his pants. Krauthammer doesn’t like the cut of his jib. Williamson thinks he should have been aborted, the sole exception to his pro-life stance. So I say “Embrace the Dirty.” And to all the haters, say “F**k you and the horse you rode in on.” An old time curse. Back when people knew the difference between roughshod male vulgarity and criminal, treasonous corruption (Hillary!!! We luuuuuuuv you!)
So that was a lightning strike. A switch from Dom to a Campaign Dream. And then lightning struck a second time. Only a female DJ would do this. Dirty Dreams was immediately followed by a song so dated and dumb, and treacly and transparently troglodytic, that it’s an automatic pick for Bernie Sanders’s campaign song.
And that’s my home where dreams are born, And time is never planned. Just think of lovely things. And your heart will fly on wings, Forever in Never Never Land.
And here’s the song. By Styx. Perfect. The river of the dead, beyond which you are forever lost. A permanent kind of Neverland.
Just an average morning in my oh so surprising life.
Speaker of the House. Looks like a serial killer. Gives Obama his idiotic budget. Willing to be drafted as presidential nominee..
Let me ask. Let’s say, just for the purpose of argumentation, that you’re a Republican and would like to win a legislative battle with the Democrats, once anyway.
Uh, why would we want to do that? Do you have any idea how much money we can make as lobbyists even if the people somehow manage to throw us out of office? When the congressional majority dutifully acts like an impotent rubber-stamp minority, the federal funds jet through DC like a fire hose. Nobody in his right mind would ever want to stop that. Why we’re inexorably committed to NeverTrump and AlwaysHillary.
All the lonely people, where do they all belong? In McTammany Hall the answer is clear.
Thinking Buckley’s pretty proud in his grave of the nasty slanderous rag his brainchild has become. No more brain. Just child. Time to put the slavering neutered beast down.
A quick and necessary end.
Yeah. NR was born in a war, the deadly battle against Soviet communism and parallel totalitarian impulses at home. The USSR was defeated and destroyed, which removed the original purpose. But if you’re a warrior you need an enemy. “We have always been at war with Eurasia.” We have always been at war with Trump because no one here can last long without the daily two minutes hate. We have always been at war with Trump because all animals are equal, only some are more equal than others, especially if your name is Napoleon Williamson.
She ducks her shark eyes just before she kills you.
Yeah. She tried to skewer Trump. Tried really hard. All she did was prove how she looked in a short haircut and white stuff. Here’s how she looked.
What guys were seeing anyway.
Except when guys think they can see her without her clothes.
She was not cool and collected. She was Lamia.
“She was a gordian shape of dazzling hue,
Vermilion-spotted, golden, green, and blue;
Striped like a zebra, freckled like a pard,
Eyed like a peacock, and all crimson barr’d;
And full of silver moons, that, as she breathed,
Dissolv’d, or brighter shone, or interwreathed
Their lustres with the gloomier tapestries–
So rainbow-sided, touch’d with miseries,
She seem’d, at once, some penanced lady elf,
Some demon’s mistress, or the demon’s self.”
— John Keats, Lamia
Yeah. She was a serpent. A killer. She almost killed me. Except for me being immortal.
Yes she is. She’ll be ditching her husband any minute.
She thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. She thinks wrong.
Mitt, with the peekaboo stance, lost the big game twice too. Lost the heavyweight title to a Swedish guy nobody ever heard of unless it was really McCain drenched in lutefisk, got it back, and then lost to Sonny “the Shroom King” Obama. Which was obviously great preparation for the boxing world’s near unanimous desire to defeat, humiliate, and otherwise lay low the Louisville lip.
Didn’t work out. Won’t do anything but tarnish a personal reputation Mitt Romney spent a lifetime building. Feel sorry in that regard. But he’s made a sad hollow shell of himself on the public stage. He’s exposed as a hypocrite, a treacherous friend, and a mere tool of the power players in his political orbit.
Trump will now proceed to demolish him, and given the party tactics employed against him, Trump will have no reason to hold his punches.
What a giant fail. Almost as bad as Floyd Patterson playing peekaboo with Cassius Clay.
He called it the Trump Campaign Juggernaut and linked this.
“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie offered up the latest twist of the Republican presidential primary when he endorsed Donald Trump on Friday, saying the GOP frontrunner is “rewriting the playbook of American politics.”
“The backing from his vanquished primary opponent came the day after Trump found himself under fierce attack from Sens. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz in the final debate before next week’s critical Super Tuesday nominating contests.
“The single most important thing for the Republican Party is to nominate the person who gives us the best chance to beat Hillary Clinton,” Christie said at a news conference in Fort Worth, Texas. “I can guarantee that the one person Hillary and Bill Clinton don’t want to see on that stage come next September is Donald Trump.”
**************
This after I spent a whole day yesterday watching the Trump haters smacking their lips over one more Trump-ending event in which they imagined the yapping puppy Rubio taking down The Donald. They were licking themselves in glee.
Instead, Christie just won his way back into the Veep sweepstakes, and Trump motors on to the next big delegate gain on Super Tuesday. He still leads the yapping puppy by double digits in Florida, while Mark Levin and Rush Limbaugh do belated damage control to the prospects of Ted Cruz.
Cruz was my original favorite of the field, with distinct caveats. He is brilliant, no doubt about it, and the ideological heir to Reagan. But Reagan had the common touch, was immensely likeable, and charmed his way on top of principle to the presidency. Cruz has the principle, but not the common touch. That was always my worry about him, that he was not Reagan but Goldwater, a sacrificial precursor to the one who would one day win.
We don’t have time for a Goldwater. And, yes, Trump is a huge gamble. But all the charges and accusations hurled against him are more than equaled by the treachery on record of the Republican establishment. They lie, they change their positions nakedly and arrogantly, they ignore the common man and woman, and they don’t even care how transparently we see them doing it. Yet Trump is uniquely held to account for daring to stand up and say “No more.”
The very victims of 15 years of betrayal and national destruction are somehow proud to pronounce themselves superior to the stupid, boorish, phony, liberal pretender who was the only one with the courage to stand up and say “No more.”
In recent weeks I’ve been called stupid, uneducated, and a fool for calling out their stupidity and folly in reducing argument to lists of nasty adjectives and unsubstantiated assumptions about the canniest politician we’ve seen on the national stage in a generation.
I’m not stupid. I’m an American in the old sense of the term, meaning I’m willing to take a risk to pull America back from the brink of utter catastrophe.
See that blue background between them? What’s in there?
The stats are out there, but no one on either side has tried to make sense of them. The figures for turnout in Nevada.
“The Nevada Republican Party reported Wednesday morning that more than 75,000 voters participated in the contest. While that might not seem like a stunning number in a state with a population of somewhere around three million, that turnout absolutely demolished the participation record from 2012, when only about 33,000 Republican voters showed up to caucus.
“In fact, Donald Trump alone captured 34,531 votes in his near-landslide victory in the state, surpassing the total votes cast in the same contest four years ago.
“It’s a pattern that has played out in each of the previous Republican 2016 contests to date….
Bottom line being a 130 percent increase in Republican primary voters in Nevada.
“On the Democratic side, the story has not been as rosy. After notching record turnouts in the 2008 Democratic primaries during the epic battle between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, the party’s participation this cycle has fallen short of those numbers in every nominating contest to date.
“Here are those Democratic turnout numbers:
Iowa 2008: 239,972
Iowa 2016: 171,109
New Hampshire 2008: 288,672
New Hampshire 2016: 250,983
Nevada 2008: 120,000
Nevada 2016: 80,000”
Meaning the Democrats in Nevada were down 33 percent from the last election cycle.
Nobody has connected the dots. Hillary versus Bernie. Has anybody anywhere figured out that Hillary versus Bernie is two fringes battling over nothing? Bernie has the know nothing, do nothing kids. Hillary has the 65+ old lady feminists. Which doesn’t account for the 33 percent of Democrats who are staying home and sitting on their hands.
It’s the hole where Democrat voters are supposed to be and no longer are.
Two silly fringes dueling over who can be more ludicrous and extreme. And neither has the wit to realize what they’ve left behind in their pursuit of polls and friendly interviews on the Today Show. Bill knows. Why he’s fading into a blurred and unfunny background.
What color is the hole? Appropriately, black.
Guaranteed. Some part of this demographic both Bernie and Hillary are missing.
And what part are the know-it-alls missing. You tell me.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o_sf8XFkmUg
At least that many, Hillary.
Never stop, never stop, never stop breaking down…
Alice eventually found her way out of the hole. Hillary never will.
From our roving reporter, presently in ICU somewhere in the trunk of Hunter Thompson’s old Lincoln…
Who knew that Dr. Ben Carson had a sense of humor? He’s just now accused Obama of having been raised “white.”
Carson and “Whitey.”
Of course, what does Carson know? He doesn’t have a doo-rag, a clapped-out Caddy with a Bentley grille and 19 inch spinner wheels, a Sig-Sauer in the glovebox, seven baby mamas over 200 pounds of booty each, a gold front tooth, and a thousand watt stereo screaming FU to everybody else at every red light. WTF would he know about being an African American?
Did you ever even see the spinners, Ben?
Thought not. We don’t need no education. Fool.
We don’t need nothin’ but Shake Your Booty.
Spapp witcha.
But Dr. Ben is chillin’ with his new bodyguards though. So don’t be thinkin’ you can cap THAT big unkatom ass. Know what I’m sayin’?
Dr. Ben’s the guy in the tie behind the, you know, Panthers. Know what I’m sayin’?
Because almost every black life matters, dontcha know? Unless they’s be cops or like whiteman shit or like Ben Carson. Cause we got bidness to do.
And Trump is the worst thing ever? You never heard anybody so vulgar? Two words occur to me I will not say.
During my second screwdriver at the Trump Hotel’s All-U-Can-Drink breakfast buffet, the server in that amazing skirt gave me the straight skinny on Kasich’s night in Nevada. Like every old guy in a white belt and shoes from Ohio, he wanted to see the “casino action.” Unfortunately he got arrested trying to order a complimentary drink at the Nellis Casino (shown on the map below), to which he had special access because of his connections to Republican consultants at Wright-Patterson AFB in Ohio.
Hotshot casino located in the upper right corner of the map.
The Guv’s brain trust leaked him the info that the best game in the house was the Claw of Destiny, used by many aspiring politicians to achieve their life’s dreams.
All he could get was Rubio.
So he played and played hard. No one minded that he lost $1.36 billion of the Ohio State Treasury. But when he demanded a complimentary “Bloodsucker-tini” prior to his next run at the prize, the Nellis Security Team had had enough.
No one knows exactly where he is, although a spokesgirl in Columbus has assured the press that Kasich was being transported by C-130 cargo plane to Wright Patterson, for “physical therapy.” It’s going quite well. As well as can be expected.
He, like many politicians, still needs to learn the meaning of the term “complimentary drink” as understood by the voters.
Still working on the whereabouts and goings on of Dr. Ben Carson.
“Want a maraschino cherry this time?” asks my delightful server. She says her name is Lila. I think it’s Lam-eeee-ah. Why am I being billed for rohypnol?
Nix on the cherry, though. They’re too big these days.
Fox is having a very grumpy night. Megyn has a very brittle smile.
Back in the ancient past, about half a month ago, I posted a sexist, racist, etc, lampoon of Megyn Kelly and the movie Rocky IV. I’d like to take it all back but I can’t because it still holds.
Winner by knockout. The crude one, the awful one. Ew. We’re all repulsed, aren’t we, Zincavage?
In the last 24 hours there was all this wild GOPe hope, Fox News buoyant over word that new polls showed Trump sinking in South Carolina. The Rubio banners on the Fox & Friends set were burnished with new polish and glitter. We’re doing it! He’s finally done this time! The low class pretender will be sent to also-ran hell at last!
Alas.
Rocky wins improbably. Always and always improbably. It’s a Philly thing. Different song this time. For all the blue collar Philly glunks who think Megyn should wear less makeup and more class and respect for the rest of us.
Sleep tight Murdoch and the staffs of Fox News and the Wall Street Journal.
Recent Comments