InstaPunk Rules

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-sUXMzkh-jI

Gave my word I would post this. My family came from Scotland in the 1740s, fought in the Revolution as Yank officers, and hung on to be Americans. This Campbell guy came earlier. Why he did so is told in compelling detail here. I know I should do more paragraphing but it’s late and that’ll have to do. Great story though.

Archibald Campbell and His Three Sons — Banished from Scotland

Archibald Campbell. A bad bad dude.

by Rory Foutz

Our earliest Campbell ancestor that we have record for is Archibald Campbell the father of our Robert Campbell who was caught up in the events of Argyll’s rebellion of 1685 and banished to New Jersey. Robert Campbell was captured, along with his father, brothers, and several hundred other rebels and hauled before the Privy Council of Scotland. Robert was condemned and banished from the realm, loaded on the ship Henry and Francis and transported to Perth Amboy New Jersey, where he was able to start a new life here in the Americas, eventually becoming a fairly affluent farmer in Newark, and the father of our ancestor, Samuel Campbell. Archibald Campbell, Robert’s father, referred to as Archibald Campbell “in Kildalvan,” was the father of three sons. Robert, John, and ??.

The earliest record we have for him is from 1685, immediately after the defeat of the rebel forces under Archibald Campbell, the 9th Earl of Argyll in what was known in Scotland as Argyll’s Rebellion, and in England as Monmouth’s Rebellion. Argyll’s and Monmouth’s rebellions are described in Wikipedia as: “an attempt to overthrow James II, who had become King of England, King of Scots and King of Ireland at the death of his elder brother Charles II on 6 February 1685. James II was unpopular because he was Roman Catholic and many people were opposed to a papist king. James Scott, 1st Duke of Monmouth, an illegitimate son of Charles II, claimed to be rightful heir to the throne and attempted to displace James II. The rebellion ended with the defeat of Monmouth’s forces at the Battle of Sedgemoor on 6 July 1685. In Scotland the 9th Earl of Argyll, Monmouth’s Scottish ally “landed at Campbeltown on 20 May and spent some days raising a small army of supporters, but was unable to hold them together while marching through the lowlands towards Glasgow. The Earl and his few remaining companions were captured at Inchinnan on 19 June and he was taken to Edinburgh to be executed on 30 June.”

Around June 10th while the 9th Earl was in southern Cowal organizing his forces, his recruiters were scouring the neighboring countryside looking for recruits to add to his army. On June 10th or 11th the recruiting force traveled north through Glenduarel, where Archibald Campbell and his sons lived. Archibald and all three sons were forced into the Earl’s army and joined the rebels on their march toward Glasgow. Later, when Archibald Campbell was hauled before the Privy Council, he confessed that “he was with the rebels but prest” or forced into Argyll’s army. The circumstances of their recruitment were detailed in John Campbell’s testimony before the Privy Council. He declared that “his father and his other two brother was taken by the rebels in the fields and caryed away . . . when they were hyding their goods.”

From their testimony, it would seem that Archibald and his three sons, on hearing that the Earl’s army was marching through the area decided that it might be a good idea to bury or hide their valuables before the Army got there to avoid the all too common occurrence of their house and valuables being looted by the passing army. This was a common practice of the time. Armies had to subsist on whatever they could find as they marched along. While in the act of actually hiding their stuff, the recruiters came upon them, forced them into the army, and according to John Campbell’s testimony, were “keept with a guard in the night tyme in case they. . . run away. At least twelve others were also recruited on the army’s march through Glendaruel.

Archibald, Robert, and John all testified that they were kept with the rebels until Argyll’s defeat about seven or eight days later. After the defeat, on their way back home, they along with over 160 others were captured by those loyal to the King and carried away to various prisons around Glasgow.

In July and August the rebels who had been captured, along with hundreds of other “covenanteers” that had also been imprisoned for their Presbyterian beliefs were examined and tried before a special court set up by the Privy Council of Scotland. This court which was composed of the Privy Council and other judges, as needed, all of which were opposed to the rebel’s cause. They took depositions or statements from each of the rebels and then passed judgment on each as they saw fit.

Most of the Lairds and other “heritors” (land owners) the Privy Council set at liberty, confiscating their lands and giving it to the crown. While technically free, these Lairds were reduced to near poverty as they were deprived of the annual rents that they received from their property. In addition much of their lands were ravished by the victorious armies of Montrose and Atholl who had led the Royalist armies. John Campbell, the Laird of Kildalvan of which Archibald Campbell and his sons were tenants reported losses of £1256 in cattle and livestock. Had Archibald Campbell or his sons been able to return to their homes they would have found their home completely devastated. As for the rest of the rebels, the Privy Council released the old, infirm, or very young. They also released some who took the oath of allegiance and were able to convince the Council that they were either harmless, or were of no further threat. The others, the ones who the Privy Council deemed threats, or who refused to take the oath of allegiance, they banished from the Kingdom. Many were sent to Jamacia, New Jersey, or elsewhere to the American colonies.

Archibald, John and Robert, all pleaded their cases, and claimed that they were loyal to the King. Archibald even turned “states evidence” in the naming of some of the rebel leaders and their actions. Both Archibald and John, and the other brother all appear to have also taken the oath of allegiance. Robert on the other hand refused the oath, apparently not willing to take an oath to something that would not support. Despite all of their protestations of innocence, Archibald and all three of his sons were banished. Of Archibald, and his two other sons, nothing more is heard. There were several Archibalds, and Johns, that were transported to either Jamaica or elsewhere, but it is unclear as to who exactly they were. Robert, however was one of more than 100 prisoners that were given to George Scot of Pitlochie to be transported to New Jersey aboard the ship “Henry and Francis.” On September 5th Robert Campbell, along with the others on board the “Henry and Francis” set sail for America, not even three months from that fateful day in June. Robert nor this father, or his brothers, ever saw their family or Scotland again. Sources: Bob Goodwin – Mar 19, 2011 The depositions of Archibald, Robert and John, as well as the record of the “examinations,” sentencing, banishments etc. all come from “The Register of the Privy Council of Scotland,” 3rd Series, vol 11 (1685-1686), Henry Patton Editor, 1929. I don’t know if it is available in any libraries here in the U.S. It contains the proceedings of the Privy Council. Archibald’s, Robert’s, and John’s depositions contain the details of their participation in Argyll’s rebellion. Robert’s examinations, refusal to take the Oath of Allegiance, and eventual banishment are detailed. There were so many John and Archibald Campbells, it is unclear as to which ones were our Archibald and John. “The Commons of Argyll, Name Lists of 1685 and 1692” by Duncan MacTavish, 1933 Contains a list of rebels in Argyll’s Rebellion and explicitly states that “Archibald Campbell and three sons all banished furth of the Kingdome.” The short description of Argyll’s Rebellion is from the Wikipedia article “Monmouth’s Rebellion.” The book: “A Scots Earl in Covenanting Times,” which is a biography of the Earl of Argyll contains a good history of the Earl and his participation in the Rebellion, as well as the actions of his forces.

Somebody said they never heard of the Laird thing.

Which is a real thing.

The meanest mothers in the Highlands.

We are not above our state. We are just, uh, difficult.

Not gods. Not elves. Not men. Just awful.

What’s your business? We Lairds are in the hurting business. No joke.

We live but we are not kings. We are simply warriors.

Think of us as the hit men of the Highlands. Which should make you think twice. Or thrice.

And then we die.

“Morituri te salutant”

Zachary Shipley. He was black Irish and handsome as hell. Leverett House at Harvard. First time I heard Hendrix’s All Along the Watchtower. Now he’s old.

And then there’s me.

I still live. Do you?

We’ve been boasting about the Black or White twins. I even have a shirt.

But there was a queen before these two. Name of Isis. Called Izzie.

Coping

We still are. Coping. Because we lose and never ever forget.

Nobody knows.

I saw Ali at Harvard. He was impressive. We loved him.

I’m so pretty. Didn’t say that in his speech, you haters. He said “Study. Make yourself great.”

Then he did this. For the benefit of all of you who consistently declared him a coward.

The guy who was the guy in the 14th round when they still went 15 rounds.

Life ain’t what it used to be.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hmx1L8G25q4

I swear to whatever God you claim to believe in, I love Judy Garland more than any other white heterosexual male does. Or will. Or something like that anyway. What’s the new emphatic? I’m that.

Full disclosure. My mother and Judy Garland were exactly the same age. Born a month apart. Same height too. Don’t know what else to tell you.

Working so hard, working through the Mystery.

This is complicated. A guy I’ve dueled with here since the candidacy of Trump posted me into a spat he was having with some guy who took him down in the most obscene terms you could possibly imagine.

Whereupon I weighed in to let the guy know he’d offended a friend of mine and he should shut up. Then he called me a name and I threw down the gauntlet, promising he wouldn’t like what would happen next.

I warned the guy. He thought he could walk back into the saloon and survive unscathed. He made jokes about “hold the lettuce” and “hold the mayo.”

Before I could post this response, though, both he and the adversary I’d been drawn into the middle of were gone. Unfriended. Like a shot. What the hell. What part of “Hold!!!” do they not get?

So help me out here. I’m thinking I just got rid of two jerks in one throw, with barely a shot fired. Did I miss something?

I don’t usually miss something. Tell me if I did.

She is beautiful and a gifted singer. But sliding into darkest dementia.

Just saw the picture tonight. Profoundly moving.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LtEQowDXUmU

Sad to see him go. Be gracious and remember what you liked about him and his music.

Rikki and Samuel. Two peas in a pod.

For us this is a golden moment. We don’t know how long it will last. Why it’s so life intensifying. We have to relish it one day at a time. Despite a quarter century of experience with sighthounds, these guys are new to us. Different. Let us count the ways.

1. They look like each other. Few greys do. They’re every color and often differ markedly in size. These guys are almost a Xerox of one another.

Samuel was skinnier when he got here. We.ve been feeding him up. Now we differentiate them by collar design.

2. They don’t get on the couch. We have three to four couches ruined by greyhounds and deerhounds named Sonny, Patrick, Andrew, Molly, Psmith, and Raebert. These guys have no interest in couches.

3. They don’t do stairs. Greyhound literature full,of advice about how to teach them stairs. None of it works if they simply won’t.

4. They’re both twelve years old. Hardly any greyhounds achieve that age. These guys are still bouncy.

5. They are so much alike in every respect, but their personalities are nevertheless different. Both are individuals. Ultimate proof of canine consciousness.

6. Since we have the two of them, all the above reasons need to be multiplied by two. Which gives us twelve anodynes to the twelve plagues of the Old Testament. Provided by two twelve year olds. Rejoice with us in our golden moment.

That’s Rikki on the left and Samuel on the right. Right, honey?

As I said, a golden moment.

“And so we end the Passover seder according to law.
We have conducted it according to tradition, according to statute…

“Next year in Jerusalem.”

And so we pray that the Lord will pass over our greyhound sons for one more year.

Winter awaits us all.

Since they’ve been showing promos for Season 2 of the “cult hit” Mr. Robot, we decided to look at the pilot. It was, to be honest, a mixed bag. The lead actor, Rami Malek, is magnetic as a functioning autistic hacker who lives somewhere between real life and morphine-induced paranoia. He works for a computer security firm whose business comes mainly from E-Corp, a conglomerate conflation of Apple and Microsoft. He is recruited by an entity or an hallucination named Mr. Robot (Christian Slater) to assist in the cyber destruction of the entire global economic system. The emotions seem real enough and understandable in the millennial context, but the politics are warmed over borrowings from Occupy Wall Street graffiti. The general hatred of corporations seems to make no distinction between the capitalism that has raised entire populations out of subsistence living to general comfort and the corruption of the current parasitic government-bank cartel. It is, in this nightmare, all equally evil, which we are repeatedly meant to understand the E in E-Corporation stands for.

My wife kind of liked it, I kind of didn’t. I looked up the IMDB user reviews for episode 2:

Like Occupy Wall Street, an idea-less performance act falls quickly off a cliff.

For all you Bernie fans who know no history and have no idea of the difference between capitalism — i.e., creating value and therefore wealth — and crony capitalism — i.e., merely creating the appearance of value to no one’s benefit but your own, I give you…

The Boomer Bible’s Book of Adam.

Today is April 19, the 35th anniversary of The Boomer Bible‘s dedication on South Street in Philadelphia.

For the Snowflake Generation. Safe spaces music, complete with trigger warnings just in case the safe spaces aren’t safe enough or boringly treacly banal enough.

For Nth wave feminists who want the government to buy their tampons but don’t necessarily want to wear them because bloody pant crotches are so cool.

[Trigger Warnings. Metro guys might be micro-aggressed because their periods aren’t very, you know, red.]

For all the college kids who’d really rather die than live. Farewell is a cool thing to say.

[Trigger Warnings. Guy has a voice like a doomy foghorn. But dying is what you’re really after, right? Right?]

Kenny G. For every tone deaf college kid who thinks jazz is about playing scales in a melancholic way.

[Trigger Warnings. He is, after all, a White. Man. No matter how soothing and friendly his lazy saxophone sounds, he is guilty of cultural appropriation. Maybe we should shoot him.]

Lack of content, passion, and sex appeal are prime ingredients of safe spaces. Karen Carpenter had all of these until she died not so suddenly from not eating anything. Bask with her in the nirvana of no microaggressions.

[Trigger Warnings. Well, look at that dress. Yes, she defeated the rape culture, but what part of no slut-shaming did she miss? You’re supposed to be completely naked and still impervious to the patriarchal rape culture, even if she can sing you into a kind of stupid female trance.]

Joni Mitchell. Once a feminist icon. Used to hear her echoing through the corridors of Josselyn Hall at Vassar, where all the drab feminists were studying themselves. It should be a safe place for the college students who were once decidedly female, with breasts and vaginas and such. The, you know, neo-reactionary feminists who think vaginas matter.

[Trigger Warnings. This Mitchell bitch has to be put down, dontcha know. She thinks gender is about “both sides now,”not the multitudinumerareous sides there so obviously are these days. If I want to put on a skirt and watch you pee, who are you to stop me? Death to Mitchell and her bilateral sexuality.]

No Trigger Warnings for this one. It has absolutely no content, musical quality or intrinsic worth. It’s as much a piece of junk as a standard issue millennial brain.

No Trigger Warnings for this one either. It has absolutely no content, musical quality or intrinsic worth. It’s as much a piece of junk as a standard issue millennial brain.

Remember Lauren Bacall in Key Largo? “You know how to whistle don’t you? Just put your lips together and blow.” What Zampir knows how to do. Very easy listening.

[Trigger Warnings. Lauren Bacall. All that blowing. Reminds us of rape culture. Unless it reminds us of bad infomercials wanting $19.95 for Zampir cassettes. Whatever.]

Pure dreck of the sort that makes safe spaces safe. Zone out and pretend that YOUR life matters. (It doesn’t.)

[Trigger Warnings. If I have to tell you, you don’t even know a trigger from a dewy multi-petaled flower. You’re porn sick and you know it from the first rose on. Rapist.]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bMvqPffzDMQ

Scourge yourself from the taint of sexual desire, evil males. It this doesn’t make your space safe, there is no hope for you.

Your last, best, safe place. The dead zone of the human mind. Go here and you will never have to return.

Unless there be life and a heart in you, you damaged babies. You hide and cringe and carry on like infants. Here’s what WE were doing half a century ago. So get the hell off our tits and go to work.

Going back in time from Dogs of the Rings…

The Supreme Council of Wizards decides. It’s time to bring on the confrontation with evil. We can start by making the hobbitses start carrying their own weight. For the first time ever. We’re going to need gold, frankincense, and magic.

Bilbo lived in the Shire.

In a hobbit house.

Which is when Gandalf the Grey shows up.

The idea is an adventure. With a bunch of dwarves.

Got to get to where the gold is. Guarded by a dragon. Named Smaug.

Bilbo was all for it. Where, when, and how high he asked.

The dwarves provided Bilbo with his own war steed. “This is all going to be so great,” Bilbo said.

Name of Happy.

On the way out of the Shire, though, the dwarves and Bilbo encountered an obstruction.

“We are the mothers of the Shire. We beg you not to venture into the cruel cruel outside world of Middle Earth.”

“Hmmmm,” thought Bilbo. And sat down to think about it. Then, with hobbitses-esque logic, he said, “Gotta go. Big guy said so.”

Whereupon the image of the Mothers of the Shire transformed.

“We are the wolves of the high spirit. We are warning you to save you. Ignore us at your peril.”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SLJllk-0o6c

Stay tuned for Chapter 2.

It seems that a lot of young women in Ystaad Sweden are suddenly dead. Who will remember? Wallander.

Has anybody seen my dog Jussi? He was just here.

Oh my Gott. Jussi?

Sorry Chief. We think it’s Jussi.

I need some coffee.

Thinking that’s not a dog. Do you want some coffee?

I’m thinking she looks more human, ja?

This coffee’s good. Isn’t it? Ja. Tack.

Is it possible we were wrong about Jussi? Something more sinister might have been.

I am from Iceland. I come here for the sport.

That was good sport. Almost like the goal in futbol.

Boss this is Svartman. Another woman has been killed. Shot in the head this time. I think I can see his car though. It’s a Volvo.

So Jussi is okay?

This is an extreme emergency, Wallander. Are your officers up to it? Is there any more cream and sugar? Are you up to the task, Svartman?

Yes, ma’am. You have my word. But I think he just killed another woman. I’m following him though. On him like stink.

I don’t always use a gun. I’m from Iceland. sometimes I use an icicle. And now I’m coming for that prosecutor babe.

I have to go pee. Excuse me.

Uh oh.

Svartman. Did I just see some Volvo taillights go lutefisking it out of here?

Maybe.

Were you on your mobile again to your wife?

Maybe. Sorry, boss. The baby has colic.

You do know they’ll very likely kill her.

She also had the lottery numbers. What’m I supposed to do?

Get back here as soon as you can manage. We’ll have some coffee, then we’ll rescue Arnstrod or whatever the hell her name is.

i thought you were in love with her.

You’ve sure got a funny way of showing it.

I can’t help saying I’ve a mind to stop drinking coffee and pull out my gun. And maybe go get her in a while. What do you think, Svartman?

Are you all føçkįñ nuts? I’m going to kill you right now. Screw the prosecutor. You never cared about her and she never cared about you. I’m going back home to Cleveland, where we know how to settle our differences.

Oh yeah. The guy from Iceland. Won’t ever be visiting Cleveland. He’ll be friends with other guys, in another world.

As long as Jussi is okay.

Word to Iceland. Don’t ever mess with Cleveland.

Tnis is now it ends. Every time.

You and the Swedes like Wallander go down in the first five minutes.

But in honor of Wallander and Jussi and all of Wallander’s languid, slow moving, slow responding, emotionless cohort, here’s the best we can do.

Go ahead. Be all dead and everything. The dead video was as Swedish as we could manage.

I have to go pee. Excuse me.

Going back in time from Dogs of the Rings…

The Supreme Council of Wizards decides. It’s time to bring on the confrontation with evil. We can start by making the hobbitses start carrying their own weight. For the first time ever. We’re going to need gold, frankincense, and magic.

Bilbo lived in the Shire.

In a hobbit house.

Which is when Gandalf the Grey shows up.

The idea is an adventure. With a bunch of dwarves.

Got to get to where the gold is. Guarded by a dragon. Named Smaug.

Bilbo was all for it. Where, when, and how high he asked.

The dwarves provided Bilbo with his own war steed. “This is all going to be so great,” Bilbo said.

Name of Happy.

On the way out of the Shire, though, the dwarves and Bilbo encountered an obstruction.

“We are the mothers of the Shire. We beg you not to venture into the cruel cruel outside world of Middle Earth.”

“Hmmmm,” thought Bilbo. And sat down to think about it. Then, with hobbits-esque logic, he said, “Gotta go. Big guy said so.”

Whereupon the image of the Mothers of the Shire transformed.

“We are the wolves of the high spirit. We are warning you to save you. Ignore us at your peril.”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lR5DbMQgIOQ

We were talking about jazz. My wife doesn’t like jazz. She likes the blues, she thinks. I’ve been blues before she knew who Robert Johnson was. She’s mad I said that. But I live for everything people know nothing about. Honest to God.

Stones did it too.

We’re going to live till Keith dies.

Yeah. It is. Over.