Not too happy with the faddish new term “Indigenous Peoples Day.” I mean if we want to celebrate the noble primitives Columbus interfered with by arriving in the New World, I’m pretty sure can do better than memorialize the killer human tribes who waged constant war on each other, scalped and sacrificed thousands, and all died toothless under the age of 30. What a load of crap that is. Their so called cultures exist today only in museums, drunk tanks, and federally funded casinos.

So my suggestion is “Bonobos Day.” Why? It at least rhymes with Columbus Day (sort of) and reflects the true ideals of the people who think the most noble state of being is living peacefully, sans technology of any kind, with no apparent purpose but to have as much sex as they can, whenever they can, wherever they can. The bonobos are the perfect exemplar of this ideal. They have sex and eat. That’s it.

Having sex, if you still remember anything about that.

Eating stuff like the superior people want all of us to eat. Organic smoothies.

See? It’s great!

An older gray-haired bonobo with his good friend who moderated last night’s debate.

Now let us close with the great Rolling Stones hymn to the perfect primate being.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HNY8eYmzdH4