January 2017

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Ronnie

Don’t tell me who I am. I’m an American and all people are my people. Especially Ronnie Spector.

And so to bed.

How we met her. On the side of the road after our honeymoon. She ran away from us into the wheels of an SUV. She was crazy.

After the operations, we had to teach her how to walk again.

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She did learn. But it cost a little piece of her heart.

Little piece of a huge heart.

Okay. She is really nuts. Out of control.

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And then there is one beautiful day…

Still loving me. Right?

Right. But life hurts all the time. Pugs are Chinese you know. Bred to take it on the chin and be beautiful throughout.

But a little back scratch doesn’t hurt nearly so much as life.

And so to bed.

Like it’s one word, the fans say “Fred’n’Ginger.” But it’s hardly the whole story. They made great movies together, and Ginger got a lot of mileage out of the line, “I did everything Fred did but backwards and in high heels.” Cute and memorable but not quite true.

Truth. Fred Astaire was a dancer of genius. Ginger Rogers was a hoofer. Thing is, he also worked with other very gifted dancers. The best are represented below.

Eleanor Powell.

Audrey Hepburn.

Cyd Charisse.

Leslie Caron.

Who wins? All of them.

AND A BONUS, COURTESY OF THE MAESTRO GEORGE GERSWIN:

Feeling better? I knowI am.

Newest Plan

Mah Hazel

All right. Come Monday, I’m going to the plastic surgery shop to git me the face of an old old country singer. Then I’ll be eloping with mah true love Hazel Dickens. Don’t she just beat all?

What? My wife just told she’s been done dead for a year or three. Or five. She shouldn’ be snickerin’ like that. Joke’s on her ain’t? Now she’ll have to fix on some other ways of gittin’ me gone. Dayumm.

 

I guess there’s a hormone called Endofthelineagen that explains why broads who are no longer young feel compelled to show off their T&A&P to the whole wide world. If you have a better explanation, let me know.

WOW. South Philly rules.

Classical music radio station WFLN said, “The greatest voice of them all, bar none. A shame what Hollywood did to him. They killed him, plain and simple.”

Number 20.

Christians are to blame for Islamic violence:

Obama references crusades, slavery at Prayer Breakfast.

“President Obama has never been one to go easy on America.

“As a new president, he dismissed the idea of American exceptionalism, noting that Greeks think their country is special, too. He labeled the Bush-era interrogation practices, euphemistically called “harsh” for years, as torture. America, he has suggested, has much to answer given its history in Latin America and the Middle East.

“His latest challenge came Thursday at the National Prayer Breakfast. At a time of global anxiety over Islamist terrorism, Obama noted pointedly that his fellow Christians, who make up a vast majority of Americans, should perhaps not be the ones who cast the first stone.

“‘Humanity has been grappling with these questions throughout human history,” he told the group, speaking of the tension between the compassionate and murderous acts religion can inspire. “And lest we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place, remember that during the Crusades and the Inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ. In our home country, slavery and Jim Crow all too often was justified in the name of Christ.'”

99 percent of muslims are peace loving sweeties.

Ahem.

You’ll be Shocked by How Many American Muslims WANT to be ruled by Shariah Law!!!

“More than half (51%) of U.S. Muslims polled also believe either that they should have the choice of American or shariah courts, or that they should have their own tribunals to apply shariah. Only 39% of those polled said that Muslims in the U.S. should be subject to American courts…

“Even more troubling, is the fact that nearly a quarter of the Muslims polled believed that, “It is legitimate to use violence to punish those who give offense to Islam by, for example, portraying the prophet Mohammed.”

Ring wraiths are all basically good at heart.

If there’s anything wrong with Dementors, it’s that they just love people too much.

Ninjas aren’t really violent. They just think black is a powerful fashion statement, and they’re embarrassed about their teeth. A sad thing. More to be pitied than censured.

Once you get past the invincible exo-skeletons and glaring red eyes, Terminators are exactly like Aunt Bea. Off duty, they knit, listen to Hazel Dickens, and fry chicken.

And ISIS is really just the militant wing of overall Islamic pacifism.

Here. Ask their women. They’ll tell you what nice guys they all are when they come home after a long day’s work on behalf of Muhammad. You should see their undies.

Oops. How did that get in here? Well, she’s obviously one of those evil Christian Crusaders. Just unsee it. You never saw this, right? Right? Right? Right?

Feast your eyes on this instead. Repeat after me: Islam means peace, peace, peace, peace, peace. Right?


Always win. I know I do.