Hillary Has Fallen — New movie greenlighted by Gramercy Pictures

You thrilled to Olympus Has Fallen, if you knew which flick it was.

It was the good one with Gerard Butler, not the Jamie Farr one. Okay?

And then you thrilled 2 to the sequel London Has Fallen, which also starred Gerard Butler.

How cool is that?

Oops. My wife says I have to show you Gerard Butler.

She likes that Scottish beef. But she likes me a little too.

And NOW!!! you’re going to be thrilled 3 by the masterpiece of filmmaking called HILLARY HAS FALLEN!!!!!!

Which doesn’t star Gerard Butler because he was busy that day. But it IS directed by the potent team of Woody Allen and Roman Polanski, who know a thing or two between them about women who just accidentally bang their heads on coffee tables. And then can’t, you know, get up.

This nerve-wracking thriller begins at a Hillary campaign rally.

Oh the irony! Life Alert!

Then she goes back to campaign HQ for the Victory Party. Where things start to go wrong. Trust Woody and Roman to find the right film reference when there’s no actual footage of THIS scene.

What Woody Roman came up with:

Old White Guy (vagina included just for fun) totally trashes the room because he lost. After which, he falls down and can’t get up. Where our story begins.

Is that the $12,000 Armani tent sweater?

Ya know, it’s actually more music video than an action thriller. Uncharacteristically, Woody resorts to the Stones to portray her crawl across the living room floor.

When she is temporarily unable to continue crawling, Roman fills in with this:

But when she finally makes it to the doorway of the kitchen (why the kitchen? Oh. Knives.), Woody gives us this counter-intuitive bit of filmic genius:

When she realizes she can’t reach the knife rack, no way, Roman gives us this affecting song, in all its mediocre glory.

When he could have done this instead. Why they call genius “genius.”

Which is where the movie basically ends. Although the closing credits are kind of interesting.

Then Roman kicks in, inexplicably with this.

And when they’re rapidly scrolling the Special FX credits, the Stones end it all with this.

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