The Millennials stomp on the “Angry White Guys.”
“Just in time for the holiday season, MTV News has issued a series of New Year’s resolutions exclusively for white males — because, the network says, white guys could “do a little better in 2017.”
“A video posted to MTV News’ Twitter account Monday afternoon features a group of millennials lecturing so-called “white guys” as to how they can improve themselves in the New Year.
“Suggestions include recognizing that America was never “great” for minorities, and to stop bragging about being “woke.”
“Can we all just agree that ‘Black Lives Matter’ isn’t the opposite of ‘All Lives Matter?’” one of the people in the video says. “Black lives just matter. There’s no need to overcomplicate it.”
“Also, Blue Lives Matter isn’t a thing,” adds another. “Cops weren’t born with blue skin. Right? I mean, yeah. They weren’t born blue!”
One woman suggests white people learn what “mansplaining” is, and then stop doing it, while another says that “nobody who has black friends says they have black friends” to prove they’re not racist.
“We all love Beyoncé, and yes, she’s black, so of course she cares about black issues. I’m talking to you Fox News,” one man in the video says.
“Representatives for MTV News did not immediately respond when asked whether the network planned to produce New Year’s resolutions videos for other racial or ethnic groups.”
But this is a game we play by InstaPunk Rules, because we hold all the cards of education, experience, and accomplishment. So we have a set of Resolutions for the zombies at MTV.
Yeah. Resolutions. Ours for you.
1. Quit being such a pussy. Whether you have one or not. But all you emasculated Beatles fans do. Your own curvy thing with a hole in the middle is gently weeping like they always are.
2. Try very hard to understand that burning down your neighborhoods to protest the plight of your neighborhoods is just really frickin’ dumb.
Hating cops while you’re protected by cops. Against serious threats. Cool? No.
3. Quit hating Jews. It makes you the Nazis.
Oh yeah. Stories in the house just like yours. Only steeped, steeped in fear of death.
Read the story. Everybody. Then whine about Palestinians.
4. Quit defending Sharia. Unless you secretly desire that all clits be cut off and all female bodies be hidden forever, and all rapes are the woman’s fault.
Funny how angry white guys might object to all of this. Maybe they know what it is to be a man, a forgotten virtue in our decadent culture.
5. Quit hating Trump. He’s far better educated than you will ever be, and if you condemn him for his hair and coarse language, look at your own idiotic coifs and even more foul mouthed tweets and tattoos.
6. Think of all the grief and violence that could have been avoided if the slogan had been Black Lives Matter Too.
Does the high yella do it for you?
7. Quit naked protesting. Guys do it hoping to get laid. Women do it because they really really really ALWAYS want to get naked in public. Not exactly a political platform on either side.
8. About White Guys. Look at the commercials for all the dumb sitcoms and reality shows you watch. What do they want? A super patriarchy? No. To be left alone on the couch eating Fritos, drinking beer, watching hockey games on TV, and listening to metal.
Porn? Maybe. Because you don’t shave your armpits and you want a notarized permission slip for a kiss or a breast grope signed in triplicate. In case nobody told you, you’re not worth it, you third wave feminists. You don’t smell good, you don’t do anything well but bitch.
And you’re fat, as well as hairy.
Not to mention gross and slutty.
And did we mention sweaty?
And crude to boot?
Why we white boys prefer the Fritos, the beer and the metal.
9. Millennial Boys. Number One Resolution. Look in the goddam mirror. Would you hire you? Would you listen to anything you had to say on any subject whatever? Would you fuck you? Unless you were another effeminate Millennial Boy? No. Why you’re so creepily obsessed with LGBT issues and the cascading nonsense of made up pronouns.
10. Hey. Learn how to read. Learn history from someone other than Howard Zinn. Sit up straight and discover the steel inside your spaghetti spine.
About the King James Bible, written by Shakespeare’s equal, William Tinsdale. Enormous genius.
Don’t tell us you know everything when you know nothing.
I’ve spent my whole life anticipating you, the Millennial Generation. Saw you coming 40 years ago. Wanted to save you. You can’t be saved. All I can do is document your pitiful plight. Do I still love you? Yes. As I loved the Zeezers before you. But I’ve been at it too long now. All that’s left to me is putting myself on record.
100 pages that explain everything about X-Gens and Millennials.