Command Center Update — Whither John Kasich?

The Command Center is always Ready!

The Command Center is always Ready!

From our roving correspondent…

During my second screwdriver at the Trump Hotel’s All-U-Can-Drink breakfast buffet, the server in that amazing skirt gave me the straight skinny on Kasich’s night in Nevada. Like every old guy in a white belt and shoes from Ohio, he wanted to see the “casino action.” Unfortunately he got arrested trying to order a complimentary drink at the Nellis Casino (shown on the map below), to which he had special access because of his connections to Republican consultants at Wright-Patterson AFB in Ohio.

Hotshot casino located in the upper right corner of the map.

Hotshot casino located in the upper right corner of the map.

The Guv’s brain trust leaked him the info that the best game in the house was the Claw of Destiny, used by many aspiring politicians to achieve their life’s dreams.


All he could get was Rubio.

So he played and played hard. No one minded that he lost $1.36 billion of the Ohio State Treasury. But when he demanded a complimentary “Bloodsucker-tini” prior to his next run at the prize, the Nellis Security Team had had enough.

No one knows exactly where he is, although a spokesgirl in Columbus has assured the press that Kasich was being transported by C-130 cargo plane to Wright Patterson, for “physical therapy.” It’s going quite well. As well as can be expected.

He, like many politicians, still needs to learn the meaning of the term “complimentary drink” as understood by the voters.

Still working on the whereabouts and goings on of Dr. Ben Carson.

“Want a maraschino cherry this time?” asks my delightful server. She says her name is Lila. I think it’s Lam-eeee-ah. Why am I being billed for rohypnol?

Nix on the cherry, though. They’re too big these days.

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