Schnalkinberg’s Theorem. The theory that the smartest mathematician in the room is always a Jew, until the first Jap walks in. Learned this in Business School 101 at Cornell.
“Set Set” set Theory. The idea that the whole world can be defined by Venn diagrams that overlap MIT, Cal Tech, and the Numb3rs TV show. And a picture of Stephen Hawking beaming blissfully above the scene.
We have Popcorn Diagrammatics. There’s this situation where the plot makes no sense and my mathematician wife says let’s make some popcorn. And we do. Then the plot seems to fix itself while we eat the popcorn and Amita even seems to want to kiss Charlie before the closing credits.
And the Amita Combinatorix. We don’t get to see these exactly and don’t really want to. Who the hell knows what Charlie is like in bed, or Amita either for that matter. But we have these instances where the blackboard is absolutely stuffed with Greek letters and everybody huffs out unhappily, and then the next morning there’s coffee and Larry looks happy, and Charlie and Amita both look Combinatorix.
Oh. Judd Hirschmetic. My favorite. Which is the feeling you get when your two year old son can say the times tables up to eighteen and perform every long division calculation you ever thought of. Judd could always do that. He was always the smartest kid in Hebrew School. It’s just Charlie he couldn’t handle. Little genius bastard. And Don. Nasty hardass Little Bastard.
We’ll be back at you later.