I love’em. Honestly. I know they’re embroiled in an on-again off-again love affair with socialism, but that’s part of the Dead Man’s Burden they inherited from the U.K. I know they’ve got a broad streak of anti-Americanism, but I understand the historical context, which is maybe the only reason to read the ponderous works of James Michener.

See, at the outbreak of WWII, the Aussies enlisted en masse to fight for the King in Europe. When the Japanese Empire trashed the U.S. Pacific fleet and started gobbling up the entire South Pacific, there were hardly any troops left to defend Australia. Which is when the Americans showed up and started taking advantage of lonely Sheilahs. Who wouldn’t hold a grudge?

But of all the nations on earth, Australia is the most like us. They are irreverent, independent, vulgar if not coarse, and used to doing things their own way because of an isolational accident of geography, more extreme in their case than ours. They also have the same kind of specific original sin as a nation we do — a system of subjugation and apartheid against a specific native population that stands out like a sore thumb. Consider the Brits. They oppressed and subjugated everyone everywhere, but they are somehow more virtuous because you can’t call it racism. They persecuted and exploited everyone equally. Ditto the French, Dutch, Spanish, Chinese, Japanese, and Russians. Their business was conquest and domination, imperialistic rule. Only Americans and Aussies are cardboard racists. (Excepting maybe Germans and South Africans. But they’ve got much better PR representation these days. Not to mention the Muslims. Because nobody anywhere does. These days.)

Still. Americans and Aussies are the two nations founded principally by expatriate castoffs from the prevailing order. We were religious and economic refugees, fleeing a tyrannical faith, famine, and inherited inevitable failure. The Aussies were convicts exiled to the bottom of the world.

Why I have a long list of Aussie movies and television series Americans really should seek out and like. Has it escaped your attention how many movie and TV stars are actually Aussie?

Well, I’ll save that and the long list for next time. My intro is already too long. You could prompt me to deliver sooner by looking into the question on your own. A couple of identifications and movie/TV nominations could energize my memory spectacularly. Because I’m sitting on some true gems here, ones guaranteed to strike a chord with even the most xenophobic…

The first not the second World War.

Unless you’ve got something against 1920s femme fatales packing golden guns in their stockings.